Listen

September 22, 2021

The following story is not about anyone single person it is the story of many, years of listening to others speak of their grief.

Jane is a 72-year-old widow she has had several losses in her life, this one being the most heartbreaking of her entire life. Jane woke to find her husband her constant companion of nearly fifty years had died during the night. Jane and her husband Andy were grade school sweethearts, they had met in the first grade and both had gone through grade school and high school together. They were rarely apart from each other. Jane had been a high school guidance counselor and Andy had worked as a Lawyer. Life was good for Jane and Andy they had children, and grandchildren, as well as great grandchildren.

Jane and Andy did what just about every family does, they enjoyed their careers raised a family, spent their days together with family and friends. Their relationship had its ups and downs as no relationship is ever perfect. Their children and grandchildren lived nearby the furthest away was less than one hours drive.

Jane felt an absolute loss when she had found Andy had died, he was not ill and they had just been out to dinner with the family the night before. Jane was devastated her companion, her friend her confidant, the man who loved her like no other was gone. She was at a complete loss.

Jane made funeral arrangements for Andy, it was much easier than she had thought it would be, the staff at the funeral home showed her great compassion. The day of visitation Jane knew would not be one of the easiest days of her life. During the family time, Jane’s family gathered together. They spent time comforting each other, sharing fond memories of a husband, father, grandfather and dear friend. There were tears of sorrow, tears of joy and yes, a few laughs.

As the family time came to a close Jane and the family knew it was time for relatives and friends to come to pay their respects to Andy. Family and friends came and went and Jane greeted each of them, thanking them for coming and for their kind words. Then it happened…What you may ask yourself.

Jane was sitting by herself when a man came over to her. He offered his sympathies to Jane and then said, “I know how you feel.” Jane was in a bit of a shock, in her mind she said with out saying it aloud, “How could he know how I feel?” He went on about how his aunt had died and how upset he was and it had been ten years since her death. Jane sat in disbelief, yet she sat quietly and she listened to him ramble on about other deaths he had experienced during his life. Jane was in disbelief, yet she never got angry or short with the man. After a few moments he got up and walked away. She sat for a few moments thought to herself, “What just happened?”

If you are wondering is there a moral to this story, yes there is. When paying respects to a family after a loss its not about your loss or losses. One should not say I know how you feel, because you really don’t. What you should do is offer your condolences to the family and share how you knew the deceased. Often times family members don’t know everyone who has come to pay their respects. It can be as simple as, “Andy was a good man, we used to have coffee together at the park”, or “Andy and I worked together he spoke fondly of his family.” Then there are times words may not be necessary and your presence and condolences are all that is needed at a difficult time.

Creating Personalized Funeral Services

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My Life Journey Brings Me Joy

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Life Is a Journey By Alvin Fine Birth is a beginning and death a destination; But life is a journey. A going, a growing from stage to stage: From childhood to maturity and youth to old age. From innocence to awareness and ignorance to knowing; From foolishness to discretion and then perhaps, to wisdom. From weakness to strength or strength to weakness and often back again. From health to sickness and back we pray, to health again. From offense to forgiveness, from loneliness to love, From joy to gratitude, from pain to compassion. From grief to understanding, from fear to faith; From defeat to defeat to defeat, until, looking backward or ahead: We see that victory lies not at some high place along the way, But in having made the journey, stage by stage, a sacred pilgrimage. Birth is a beginning and death a destination; But life is a journey, a sacred pilgrimage, Made stage by stage...To life everlasting. Additional Thoughts... Death, Dying, Dead…words we try not to use as they are so final, yet they are the reality of a life lived. It is exactly what we need to do as we journey live our lives to the fullest possible. Death is the final frontier, yet we try so hard to hide from it as if it will never come. Yet it is in our daily lives. A seed from a flower enters the earth, it sits beneath the surface of the soil, patiently waiting. Yet does the seed know it is alive? It knows exactly what to do, it takes in nutrients from the earth, slowly but surely establishing roots. As the roots grow deeper into the earth a stem and leaves push their way above. The tender leaves feel the warmth of the sun pushing further. The rain comes and nurtures the tiny seedling, it drinks in the cool water and continues to grow. The sun, the rain continues to grow reaching higher as if forms leaves, and buds that continue into beautiful flowers. The flowers feed the bees; mankind notices its beauty for a fleeting moment in a face paced world. The flower continues to smile and knows one day its life will be over, it knows it has fulfilled its purpose. The sunny days grow shorter, the nights are cooler the bees visit less often. The flowers begin to fade, and seed pods begin to form. The once beautiful plant looks a bit tired; its leaves have begun to brown and fall. Yet it continues to smile knowing it still has purpose its seeds will be the next generation.
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Benefits of Funeral Pre planning

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Show you care by Pre Planning Funeral pre planning is a thoughtful and compassionate act that can significantly ease the burden on your loved ones during a difficult time. By making arrangements in advance, you provide your family with clear guidance and reduce the emotional and financial stress they might otherwise face. Here are some key benefits and steps involved in funeral pre planning:
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Grief and Children

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Losing a loved one is an incredibly challenging experience, and when children are involved, it becomes even more complex. As parents or caregivers, we want to support our children through grief and help them navigate their emotions. Here are some tips to handle grief and loss of a loved one when you have small children:

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When attending a funeral or a visitation think before you speak. Why you may wonder or even ask why this is important. Think of how you felt when you learned of the death of someone you cared so deeply about. Your mind went through many things at the moment of learning of the death. Why? Why now and not later? It can’t be true! My heart hurts. I can’t live without him or her. What do I do now? It is an act of kindness to express your sympathies after a person dies, but what do you say? Common things are, I am sorry for your loss, Please accept my condolences, or sometimes just being present and listening, truly listening is more valuable than any spoken word can be. One has to understand a person has just suffered a loss, that at times may be devastating to the person or family and friends. It does not matter how long the person may have lived, it may have been ninety years, forty, thirty or even ten or a matter of moments. Under any circumstances do not diminish the value of a life. The person mattered to those who are grieving. Consider this a woman has carried a child for nine months and the child is still born or days after birth the child dies. Both parents feel the anguish of the loss as well as the family. A young woman’s life is taken by murder, those who loved and cared about her feel the loss. A wife suffers the loss of her husband to a heart attack after more than fifty years of marriage. A child riding his bike is struck by a car and dies. What do all of these have in common other than the fact that they have died? Each of them along with their family and friends had hopes, dreams, memories and a plan for the future. Be sensitive to the needs of those grieving and think about what you may say to those suffering a loss.
Tell Your Story

Tell Your Story

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I wouldn’t consider myself a historian or even a history buff, but I do enjoy history and the telling of stories. The one fascinating part of all of it is this none of us where there at the time the events happened know exactly what happened. At this moment you’re wondering what this is all about. It’s about you the one who is reading this and saying to yourself what is this man talking about? History? Yes, your history and your life story is what this is all about. Have you ever sat with family members a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle and listened to them? I mean really listened to what they are saying. I’ll explain further in a moment, but first a back story.

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The Holidays

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They come every year whether we like it or not. The “official” start of the holiday season being Thanksgiving. Yet, does grief increase at this time of the year, or is just more noticeable to any of us who are grieving a loss. In reality grief is always with us we tend to keep it to ourselves and try not to let others know we are still feeling the loss even years later of someone we cared deeply about.
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